deep stuff

The past week my Uncle passed away. Suddenly too.
He had a heart attack.

Uncle Glen and I weren't that close.
But it is family. And death is death.
And It is always sad.

I was asked to play the organ at the funeral - which was stressful since I am not an organ player. And I was supposed to play Amazing Grace while my cousin Lori sang.
It went okay. But it was stressful for me.

Right after we all left the church, I went over and hugged my cousin Leah.
Uncle Glen's daughter.
That is when I cried.

I remember.
I remember all too well that saddness of sudden unexpected loss.
I don't think you can really understand and really feel it, unless you have lost someone you loved suddenly.
Holding her as she cried, as we cried, I remembered.

Leah drove out to be with my family when Kelly died.
She was there. Right there.
Showing love and helping. And just being there.
No one can say anything to take away the saddness from death.
I believe very strongly in life after death. I know that Kelly is somewhere else.

But it's not about that. Even though they go somewhere where they are happy.
It's about them not being here. That loss for everyone left behind.
Life will not be the same.

Yes, we will see our loved ones again.
But death is still sad for the loss.
And nothing anyone says takes away that loss.
I'm sorry.
They are in a good place.
That is nice. And good to hear.
But you are still going to be sad.

And Leah, she was right there for us.
And so when I was holding her as she cried, I felt sad for her.
Not just because she suddenly lost her dad.
But also because she now knew.
She understood in a way she couldn't before.
That deep sadness of loss.

That is why I drove in a van for 6 hours one way, with just my kids.

It changes you.
Losing someone you love.
I think God planned it that way.
And it had better change us too.
It makes me grateful every day for my family.
For each day I have with loved ones.
Which is why I am so glad to be home.

Bob the builder

Tonight while I was making supper.

alden: "mom, how do you spell Bob, as in Bob the Builder?"
mom: "B-O-B."
alden: "but what comes first?"
mom: "B - then O then B."
alden:" mom, how old is Bob?"
mom: "i don't know - how old do you think he is?"
alden "the same age as my dad - 9"

:)

There used to be a time when Bob the Builder was a big deal around our house.
Before the Thomas phase.
When our lovely neighbor Kathleen gave us lots of Bob movies and toys.
Well Bob is back.
But with Lucy.
She walks around with our Bob books.
Saying "Bob"
"It's Bob."
And if Alden trys to look at the Bob books... LOOK OUT.
Serious fit from Lucy.
And since Bob is always talked about by Lucy, Alden is giving him a little more attention lately too.
Wasn't expecting a Bob phase with a little girl.
But here we are. :)

Alden recently....

1. decided that he needs to hold the remote while he is watching tv. He has never really cared before.... but the past few days, the manly urge has come out in him. :)


2. colored his toes (and a lot of his feet) with blue sharpie last sunday morning while Regan and I were getting ready for church. After I caught him and told him that wasn't the best decision... he said it's okay, just wipe it off. When I explained that it doesn't just "wipe off" he said, "it's okay mom, i can just wear socks ALL DAY long."

3. got his first bike. And man is he excited. Got his helmet. Just need some bolts to hook on the training wheels and he will be motoring along.

ideas

i love it when you get an idea in your head and it turns out.
like this photo.
i saw it in my head and it worked out.
and that makes me happy.

Photo Talk: photos and more photos

i've been up to my eyeballs in photo editing.
And that is cooooool. :)
Lots of new ones on my photo blog.
Photography Blog
check em out.
Another one still to post and a new shoot tomorrow.
coolio.


AND i've started a blog with some friends and sister in laws - where we all exchange recipes. We were going to email them each week - but this way if I lose it - it's still here. And you can search with it too. all in all - good idea by Regan to make it into a blog. Everyday Meals

AND Alden started swimming lessons today. And he loved it. Seriously excited about getting him involved in things. Letting him experience things and interact with other kiddos. So good for him. And so good for me.

AND seriously Sanjia is STILL on american idol. I think he is awful.
Send him home already people!

Peace out.

1. Last week I was down South at my inlaws for a week. It was lots of fun times. Got to hang out with my sister in laws Lindsay and Susie and momma Steed. We had fun. And our kids really enjoyed each other.

2. I also visted my mom one day and got to see almost all my sister in laws on my side too. Got some cute photos of cute little Jacob. My youngest brother Justin's youngest baby boy. Is he not just a doll!! Look at those eyes. Beeeeeeauitful.






3. And little Lucy got her first little pig tales. Seriously how cute is THAT! She can't have real piggies yet.... but this is definately a START!




4. It is April 1st. Even though it doesn't look a BIT like it outside. (Stinking snow) So the new kit is out at Scraptivity. Here are two of my pages. I had lots of fun with this kit. Not my usual paper I would buy. But I enjoyed it. Had some fun with photoshop too - so that always makes things funner!



5. We are headed back down south for the weekend so Regan can do shadowing with his dad in the ER in Raymond. And so we can have easter with the family.

6. If you get a chance to read the Calgary Herald today, read the great letter from Regan to the editor about religion and education. GREAT job by Regan.

7. Last week while I was down south I got to have lunch and a little play date with the fabulous Rebecca Cooper. Seriously cute. Of course talented. And really really nice. (She has a book coming out- which is COOL.)

So long for now. :)

wedding

A little sneak of the wedding my brother Sean and I did. This is my favorite shot overall that I took. There are a few more on my photoblog.

motherhood

I've been thinking lately about being a mom.
I know that it is one of the things that God has planned in this life, as a vital experience. Yes, not all people get to experience (half of the population can't for biological reasons) but for women. It changes you.
And I think most women want to be a mom. It is a part of being a woman.
Something you really can't *get* until you are right up to your armpits in it.
It's one of those have to live-through-it-to-get-it experiences.

I've been thinking about how different and the same our experiences as mom's are.
We all love our kids. It is part of it.
If we are strict about bedtime, or let them stay up.
If we feed them McDonald's four times a week or never let them eat processed foods.
We love our kids.Something I think we forget about each other as women.
Even if someone else does it different that you, as much as you love your child, they love theirs that much too.
That's what makes us moms.

But even in all the love, we don't know what we are doing.
There are no manuals. No text books.
I remember reading a book about toddlers when Alden was 2. It said that two year old's don't have long attention spans, they run around and are loud and that they are going to say no all the time.
Well my kid didn't. He had an amazingly long attention span.
He would play quietly by himself in his room.
And he didn't really say much at all.
After I read the first chapter I phoned my mom and told her that the book wasn't like my kid at all. He isn't a cookie cutter kid.

But you know what. No kid is a cookie cutter kid.
Every child is different.
And that is where the beauty in God's plan to have mom's comes in.

Not long ago I was listening to some mom's talk about their kids. One was expressing concern over putting her child into preschool and which one.
Another mom, intently listening, gave some advice that has been on my mind.
She told of her own experience with her oldest child, and how she had thought something needed to be checked. A little nagging feeling that she had about his school and how he was handling it. So she went in to the school and the teacher brushed her feelings aside and told her that everything was fine. A while later, a long while later, she realized that her feeling had been right. And she marched into that school, took her child and enrolled him in a school that would take her concerns and thoughts seriously. She said to always trust your instincts. As a mom. You know. No one knows your kids better than you. And no one will fight for them as hard as you will.

And I've thought about that. A lot.

It's interesting that mom's have guilt built right in.
We are so concerned about how we are doing and what and if it is too much or not enough. And at the same time we have to have confidence in ourselves.
And in our feelings and promptings. God made it that way.
Isn't that interesting.
And doesn't it give you hope.
That some how you will figure it out.
This mothering thing.

In the Kitchen: Bake day

Yesterday was bake day around my house.
I remember bake days from when I was a little girl and my mom would get up really early. And I would wake to the smell of cooking bread, or buns or muffins.
Baking runs in my family. My great grandma, my grandma, my mom, they all bake.
For me there is something soothing about mixing the dough, rolling and watching it rise. I throughly enjoy it. I think because it reminds me of being a little girl. Having a white apron wrapped around my waist a couple times, standing on a stool or chair and forming perfectly shaped dinner rolls with my mom.
It was something that we did together.
And something that was special to the girls. Me and My mom and Kelly.
The distinct smell of yeast. How warm the kitchen would get while the dough would rise. And how delighted people would be when we would take freshly baked, still warm goods to others.
I will always remember how often my mom would take food to others. And how much she delighted that she could share that. We didn't havea lot of money growing up, but my mom found a way to serve others, often in way that they couldn't do for themselves. She loved with food. Just like my grandmother started showing her when she was a child.
On bake days I make a list. Of people who I think most need some love. It's not a lot, but I feel apart of my grandmother, my mother, my sister, when I take freshly baked still warm goods to others. I love to share that with others. Some thing that i can do.
And hopefully my children, espcially my little girls, will grow up knowing that I tried to serve, albeit in my own way, to share love.
And that they will want to do the same.

questions

alden: "Hey mom"
me: "yes?"
alden: "where do these tunnels go?"

cha-ching

So last night we went on a date.
My momma is here and she was kind enough to let us go out on a date.
I had gone grocery shopping the night before and got some Multi grain cheerios.
And on the box was a free movie ticket.
Cha-ching.

Well we decided to go the movie on our date.
WE went to Music and Lyrics.
And since, we could go the store and get another box of cereal for $4.25 and get a movie ticket, or we could pay $11 for the movie.

We went to the movie.
And then had some good cereal for breakfast.
















Had a good photoshoot today.
I'll try to share some photos as soon as I can.

Photos

A couple of people have asked me about my pictures.
So I'll give you the low down.
at least as far as I know it. :)

Q. What kind of camera do you use?
A. My camerea is the Nikon D80. I have a 50mm lense and the kit lense that comes with it. Both great. Right now I am borrowing a friends' 70-300mm lense too. I love love love love (x100) my camera. I am thankful for it everyday.

Q. "Your kids eyes always look great, do you do anything to them?"
A. Yep they have their dad's GREAT crystal blue eyes. His color and My shape. I think at least. They are easy to photograph because they have such a rich color and big eyes. Most of the time I run a few actions on my pictures in photoshop. I always lightening the catchlights a bit with the dodge tool. Set at highlights, Exposure at 8 and my brush at about a 47. It just lightens the light in their eyes and makes them look that much better. I also had a professional photographer tell me that if the eyes are in focus, the picture always looks better. So I often run an unshapren mask on just the eye area. Not always, but sometimes it adds a little touch of goodness.

I downloaded a great action called basic boost, which I jsut LOVE. It takes that smurky grey look that digital photos have. Clears them up really nicely. I almost always run that one. And then a USM action that I have too.

I bought some plain cotton for my black background. It was seriously cheap. I am going to cut it in half and sew it together, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. But it has worked just fine how it is. I have some other ideas for baby backdrops, the I am going to get for my next baby shoot that is coming up.

I am going to teach a little class on photography coming up on April 10th.
And I read on Heather's blog about her photo process. She had some great tips and ideas.

My tips.
1. Get closer. I learned in a college photography class that if you are afraid to get in the way by getting to close, then you shouldn't be taking pictures. You have to be unafraid to get right in there. I am a big fan of close shots. (That's espcially why I love my new 50mm lense!!)

2. Before you shoot, notice the lighting. I am a BIG fan of natural light. I hate the flash. I know it is necessary sometimes. But natural light is so much more flattering. And natural looking... since it's natural. :) Look and see if you can rotate 30 degrees and get more light on the person's face. It will help all around.

3. If the person in the photo is uncomfortable in the pose, they will look it in the picture. I am not much of a poser, I like people to be natural. How they would normally stand or sit. But when you have to pose them, make sure they are comfortable.

4. Look what is in the background. Look for disctracting colors, objects, people. Anything you don't want. Move so it won't be there, or make sure you can photoshop it so that you do like it.

5. the thirds rule. To not put something right in the very center. That is something my momma taught me a long time ago with painting. Make the subject off center. It kinds of gives a little breathing space to your pictures. Some of my favorite pictures have lots of open space on one side or the other.

6. Look for emotions. I think those make the best pictures. When shooting people in love, look for them naturally displaying the love. It's there. You just need to be patient and watch for it, and be ready to catch it with your camera.

7. Get up or get down. On the floor with the kids, or up above the person. But make sure if someone is looking up to you, make sure they are looking with their whole face, not just their eyes looking up to you. It's that whole natural look thing on number 3.

I guess those are the things I try to keep in mind while I am taking pictures. I have so much more to learn but I think the amount of pictures I have been taking lately is really helping too. Practice practice practice. I think too, I have some photographers that I really look up to and I have studied their work and tried to figure out what appeals to me in their photos. I keep looking at their stuff. To get inspiration. And then try and impliment that into my own photos. There are so many awesome photographers out there!

This week I have a photo shoot with my Wedding clients that are coming up on the 24th. We are having a meet to see where they are getting married, and I haven't met them yet. So we are doing that. One of my brothers Sean and I are doing the wedding together. He will be with the groom and I will be with the bride before the wedding, and then we will be shooting the rest of it together. One price, two cameras. I think it is a great way to go! (and we don't cost to much either. ;) )


On that note, I'll leave you with one of my favorites from a couple of days ago. Alden and Lucy snuggling nad laughing together. Love it!



R

this little girl

This little girls has recently decided that she loves to wear her big brothers Thomas slippers. But she quickly realized that it is way easier to only wear one. Cause she trips when she wears two - they are waaaay too big. But oh so stylish!



And here are two more of my favorites from yesterday.







And I forgot to mention, i've added another session to my photoblog.
Take a look if you so desire.
R.

um... .stuff

First, thanks. It's nice to see who's out there...reading.
And I especially enjoyed Peter's funny comment.

Second, the phone is fixed. Which means Peter - you can call now.

Third, Here are some pages from the Scraptivity March kit.
The design team did a GREAT job this month. You can check them all out
here. Some new and exciting things will be happening around Scraptivity. It was recently sold to a great new owner Barb. (Or Barb-a-rama as I like to call her.) Better customer service, lots of improvements.




















































Fourth, check out this coooooolio Etsy shop. It has the cooolest handmade jelwery made from antiques. The Broken Plate. For those of you who don't know, Etsy is like an online craft/ handmade shop. Anyone can make a shop and then you sell your stuff on there. There is some COOL stuff. I love the homemade toys, the art, stationary. Lots of really cool stuff. One of my favorite Scrapbookers EVER has a Etsy shop. One day I'll buy something she has made. (You can check out Rebecca Sower's stuff
here)

Fifth, we've had a billet staying with us for the last few days. Grace. She is gone now, but it was so great to have her here. We made a new friend for sure! She came to do an interview for Medical school at U of C. We'll see if she comes back . She is from Newfoundland. (so if you are reading this Grace - it was great to have you here!!!)

Sixth, I am losing my voice. It sounds awful - but i don't feel sick. i lose mine a lot. and i haven't for a while... so it's time.

i've been busy

Painted my living room.
Painted my bathroom.
Hung up lots of pictures.
Got new curtains for the living room.
It's really starting to look like we live here.
Cool-io.

And my shaw digital phone isn't working.
As in we have no phone.
The internet works fine.... but no dial tone.
And I've checked all the plug ins already about four times.
I was going to call my mom tonight.... but I can't.
I was going to return the message from yesterday... but I can't.
I was going to call shaw to get my phone working.... but I can't.

As for the blog....
I wanna know who is reading this thing.
Let me know.
Someone asked me and I have no idea.
Pretty please.
Even just leave your name.

Even those cousins or brother in laws who I know read it.

Come on, you can do it.

**Edited to add some pictures.**
The kitchen.
It used to be orange. Like HELLO orange. Pumpkin orange.
Which Alden told me was "beautiful"
I didn't agree.












This is my new fruit bowl I got. It's made in Italy. Doesn't that make me sound fancy. Even though I'm not at all. :)


















I did the whole backsplash in these tile thingies. It was orange too. Blech.













In the short hallway between the LR and kitchen is my fav picture my sister Kelly did.












The living room. It is robin's egg blue.































Hopefully we will be getting the new-to-us couches soon.
They are dark blue leather. coolio.













The colors are off, but my momma got me this cool sign I love.
And it totally matches my living room. :)












The bathroom. This picture has the closest color.
But really all of them are off! It's brighter!





























My light house I love.

What a weekend

It was the best of times....
it was the worst of times....

That famous quote was coming to my mind a few times this past weekend.

Friday was a good day.
We have a new family tradition.
Every friday we have a family party.
Regan. Alden. Lucy and me.
Something together.
We've played games, had a fondue and watched Ice Age 2.
An activity as a family.
Well this past friday we went to the zoo. And it was probably the best visit yet. The aminals were all close and we could see them easily in all the white snow. It was a great time.
Then after we went to eat out at Swiss Chalet.
(Thanks Lindsay)
It was all good.

Saturday.
I had a primary activity I was running at the church.
2 hours. Mistake. I should have only made it 1 hour.
I ran out of activity half way through.
Then at the end, everyone was gone.
Except me and Alden and Emily and her son Nate.
I was cleaning up. And realized I couldn't find Alden.
I started looking.
40 minutes.
He was lost for 40 minutes.
I was in a panic.
Complete and utter panic.
Tears. Prayer.

And finally Emily found him.
Naked.
In a closet.
Eating a muffin.

Classic Alden.
He had had a pee accident cause he couldn't get the bathroom door open, so he had taken his clothes off. So he was in the closet eating the left over snacks from the activity.
It's funny now. But on Saturday I was a bit of a mess.
So we came home.
And a little bit later.... Alden started puking.
Projecticle puking.
On the couch. the carpet.
The toy basket.
The hall.
The toliet.


Let's just say I was happy when Saturday ended.


On a completely different note, I had a fun photo shoot with my good friend Sarah.
You can see it here on my photo blog.

Peace out.

In the Craft Room: Valentines Day

Happy Valentine's Day.

I love.....

1. Doing things with Alden where his personality comes out.
Yesterday we cut out hearts and I had him list things and people we love.
He made some for Lucy..... his words for her...
- princess - little mermaid - babies
He is really figuring out that girls and boys like different things.


















2. making valentine's every year with Alden.
This year, he drew a bee on the computer.
And he typed his own name.
How cute is THAT!


















3. little smiling princess Lucy.
She is so pleasant. Just so happy and fun.
A joy to have in our home.




















4. Art. i love art.
I made this to hang in Lucy's room.
It was so fun.
I am making three hearts to hang beside it, but I haven't gotten the time yet.



















5. Reg. I love Regan.
He is great and so good to me.
And I just love that we have such a good marriage.
It is a blessing I am thankful for daily.
If he'd ever let me take his picture, then I'd post one.... maybe it'll be part of his V-Day present to me this year. :)

Hope you have a day filled with love.

In the Kitchen: Banana Chiffon Cake and Other stuff

1. Banana Chiffon Cake.... mmmmmm












2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1 Tbsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 ripe banana
1/2 cup vegetable oil
7 large eggs, yolks and whites separated
1 tsp pure vanilla
1/2 tsp cream of tartar

1. Preheat oven to 350ºF. In a large micing bowl, whisk together flour, granulated sugar, baking powder, and salt; set aside. In a medium bowl, mash bananas. Add oil, egg yolks, vanilla and 3/4 cup cold water; mix to combine. Add to flour mixture, and whisk batter until smooth.
2. In a large bowl, place egg whites and cream of tartar; using an electric mixer, beat until stiff peaks form. Fold into batter just until combined (do not overmix.) Pour into a 10-inch amgel-food cake pan with legs. Bake until a toothpick inserted into center of cake comes out clean, about 55 minutes. Invert pan onto legs over counter; let cool completely. Reinvert pan, and run a thin metal spatual around edge to release onto platter. Dust with confectioners' sugar. Serve.

(I added some cream cheese icing.)


2. I've been making cards with scraps and stamps.
And enjoying it too. :)












3. I've been having fun taking photos of my kids.

More on my photography blog.

In the Kitchen: Silly Greek Chili

I've had a few people ask me for this recipe.....
It is from the great cookbook Eat, Shrink and Be Merry. It's a great book (I'll return it soon mom!!!) So cheesey, but really good healthy TASTY recipies. This is a really light fresh tasting chili. Total yum!

Silly Greek Chili
2 tsp olive oil
3 boneless skinless chicken breasts cut into 1-inch cubes
1 cup chopped red onions
1 cup diced zucchini
1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper
2 tsp minced garlic
1 Tbsp chili powder
1 tsp each ground cumin and dried oregano
1 can (19 oz) diced tomatoes with sun-dried tomatoes, undrained
1 1/2 cups your favorite tomate pasta sauce
1 cup canned chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1 Tbsp brown sugar
1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper
2 Tbsp minced fresh cilantro
1/3 cup crumbled light feta cheese

Heat olive oil over medium high heat in a large
non stick pot. Add chicken. Cook and stir chicken until lightly bronwed, but not cooked through, about 4 minutes.
Add onions, zucchini, red pepper and garlic. Cook and stir until vegetables begin to soften, about 3 minutes.
Stir in chili powder, cumin, and oregano. Cook 1 more minute. Add tomatoes with their juice, pasta sauce, chickepas, brown sugar and pepper. Bring to boil. Reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer with 15 minutes.
Remove from heat. Stir in cilantro. Ladel chili into serving bowls and top with feta cheese.

I read this book called Hope. I kinda got into it. It has 658 pages... and I read it in four days. Funny how I love to read but when I get into a book... i have to finish it. And fast. Regan kept commenting that he wished he could read his text books like that. :) I think I was reading MUCH lighter stuff!


I'll leave you with two pictures of my cute kiddios from the last few days.

some pages to share

It's been a while since I have shared some scrapbook pages on my blog.
Things have been a bit frustrating with getting my stuff, but no need to complain.
Since today is Feb 1st and there is a new kit for Scraptivity, here are some pages i have made from the kit.