Sunday, April 29, 2007

deep stuff

The past week my Uncle passed away. Suddenly too.
He had a heart attack.

Uncle Glen and I weren't that close.
But it is family. And death is death.
And It is always sad.

I was asked to play the organ at the funeral - which was stressful since I am not an organ player. And I was supposed to play Amazing Grace while my cousin Lori sang.
It went okay. But it was stressful for me.

Right after we all left the church, I went over and hugged my cousin Leah.
Uncle Glen's daughter.
That is when I cried.

I remember.
I remember all too well that saddness of sudden unexpected loss.
I don't think you can really understand and really feel it, unless you have lost someone you loved suddenly.
Holding her as she cried, as we cried, I remembered.

Leah drove out to be with my family when Kelly died.
She was there. Right there.
Showing love and helping. And just being there.
No one can say anything to take away the saddness from death.
I believe very strongly in life after death. I know that Kelly is somewhere else.

But it's not about that. Even though they go somewhere where they are happy.
It's about them not being here. That loss for everyone left behind.
Life will not be the same.

Yes, we will see our loved ones again.
But death is still sad for the loss.
And nothing anyone says takes away that loss.
I'm sorry.
They are in a good place.
That is nice. And good to hear.
But you are still going to be sad.

And Leah, she was right there for us.
And so when I was holding her as she cried, I felt sad for her.
Not just because she suddenly lost her dad.
But also because she now knew.
She understood in a way she couldn't before.
That deep sadness of loss.

That is why I drove in a van for 6 hours one way, with just my kids.

It changes you.
Losing someone you love.
I think God planned it that way.
And it had better change us too.
It makes me grateful every day for my family.
For each day I have with loved ones.
Which is why I am so glad to be home.


Carmen said...

Big hugs for you.

MonaS! said...

Hugs for you my friend!!! A loss of ANY family member is difficult. May God comfort and bless you at this time. I love ya and wish I could do more.

Heather M. said...

I wish I knew what to say. You are an amazing person, Rhonda. I am sure Leah was comforted that you were there for her. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

LindsayB said...

What a wonderful perspective we share. You do such good things in your life.

Crystal said...

You are so amazing, Rhonda, - in your support of others and in speaking from your heart. Thank you for reminding us - we too often forget. ((( HUGS )))

patti said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how much your presence was felt and appreciated by your cousin and family.