Losing it....

Literally from the time he got up (which is always between 530am-630am) Eli was asking to go trick or treating yesterday. I told him that he couldn't go until night time. His response was, "huh? it's dark out right now." I tried to explain that it wasn't about the darkness - it just happened at night and that was the way it was.


For the entire day he asked over and over and over and over (x1000) if he could go trick or treating yet. And every time I told him it wasn't time, he'd start to cry. Loudly.

Heaven help me, I was pretty annoyed by the time it actually WAS time to go trick or treating.

At 4pm he comes up to me and says "Mom, I'm going to set the table now so we can eat supper and then I'm going trick or treating." To which I told him it wasn't time but I'd love him to set the table for supper. Pretty soon I'd be rolling out the pizza and putting it in the oven. He was not pleased with my answer.

So it comes to 530pm. Finally Eli has settled into doing something that entertains him for more than 3 minutes - which was playing with play dough with Lucy. I was cooking pizza for supper (our usual on Halloween) and needing the counter space but I was making due so that the kids had some place to play on the counter too. So the pizza is ready and I say to the kids, "It's time to clean up now and set the table so we can eat and then it'll be time to go trick or treating."

Eli's response? "I don't want to go trick or treating. I don't even like candy."

I. COULD. HAVE. STRANGLED. HIM.

Instead I went into the other room and called my mom to tell her so we could laugh about it. It seemed like the better option.

I have had a kid (Lucy) who in the past threw fits. I mean crazy fits. I mean strip-yourself-naked-pee-on-the-floor-while-you-pull-your-own-hair kind of fits. Now they sound funny, but at the time I was in the middle/end of my worst pregnancy (with Eli) and very sick) and Regan was in a busy year of medical school. I was also serving as primary president in my ward and frankly I am not sure how I survived it all. (Especially without ever harming my child.)

I don't think there is a lot you can do when you have a child who throws fits. Except give in. For heavens sakes, don't give in! It is embarrassing that they are losing it in public? A.B.S.O.L.U.T.E.L.Y. But giving in to their crying and screaming is saying to the child "just start to make a little noise and I'll hand over whatever you want." How in the world is that going to make anything better?

If you've read my blog for a while you may or may not remember Alden's first day of grade one. I had parked and walked to the school while carrying Eli (he was pretty small then) and made Lucy walk. When Alden finally comes out of the school he was super happy from his first day and talking. Lucy's response? She sucker punched him in the face. She was mad he was at school and apparently needed to express it. So Alden started crying. Lucy started losing it. And I was carrying Eli. I set Eli down to hug Alden and tell him I was sorry that happened. We are standing in a school ground with piles of people around witnessing the sweetness. Eli starts crying and I can't get Lucy to move. My usual technique is to walk away from the losing child which normally makes my kids follow me crying and all. But she wasn't moving. So I had to pick her up and carry her which was like carrying a slippery shark. So I'm trying to carry Eli and losing Lucy which was working well. So some random lady tries to come and help me by taking Eli. Which made him cry louder. So we finally get to the car and all three of my kids are crying. And I am trying to shove Lucy into her seat and she is doing that lovely stiff as a board thing while screaming. I finally shove her in and close the door and take crying Eli from her. And she tells me not to worry cause kids are always done having fits like that when they are 3. (Lucy is totally older than that at the time....) It was a ridiculous day.

Eli has been crazy about things lately. Crying to get his way or asking over and over and over and over and over. And even though we aren't giving in he's still doing it. I don't know if he sees that it works for some kids and so he's trying to make it work at our house. Or if he is just starting to realize that the world doesn't' revolve around him. (That's a shocking realization for some kids!)

We'll just have to suffer through this phase. And hope that he that the current phase passes soon.

Living with Creativity

I grew up in a very creative household. My mom would set out still life objects on the table, with lamps and we'd sit around and sketch it together. She'd let me make my own pies by the time I was Lucy's age. I felt apart of my mother's world and more myself because of all of the creative-ness in our lives. It just was how we were. It was free and easy and cheap and so my childhood. All of those things are apart of my children's lives now too I think. I don't do the still life with lamps but we are creative in other ways. I must admit it is harder with Eli because he seems to have less patience with it all that my older two. They relish everything we do that is creative.

So are you wondering, how do you live creatively? Well this is totally my two cents on the idea. But these would be my tips.

1. Keep supplies for crafts around and available and accessible. We have various collections of art supplies. There is so much fun creative stuff at the dollar store now. And that is great. But sometimes too it is nice to be able to get them the nice art stuff, like a good sketch book and good pencils or the cute cupcake liners you've been saving, and let your kids use them. Yep, they'll do a kid job with them. But they'll realize that you value what they do enough to let them use it.

2. Accept that creative often breeds mess. Oh my I could show you the piles that are made around here constantly. I am trying to teach them now (especially Lucy) that paper mess needs to be picked up after you finish. But even think about creativity in the kitchen - that makes mess. Playing in the dirt? Messy.

3. Do something creative with your kids, not just them doing it alone. Family drawing time, building lego with them, playing with play dough, creating a stop motion movie with their lego creations, sculpting, junk sculptures, etc.

4. Let them see you doing things that are creative. Create things yourself. Start project life, write, take some pictures, draw, get creative in the kitchen, build something, paint a wall or a picture, etc....

5. Creative living isn't just arts and crafts. Creativity comes in music, in cooking and baking, in yard work, in writing, in paper crafts, in dress up and plays, in story telling, in dancing, in decorating, in building, etc.

6. Resist the urge to fix it. Let them do it however they are going to do it. And have THEM do it themselves. I can tell the kids who are over who's parents intervene in their creative endeavors by the way they constantly ask for help or have trouble getting started unless they are given complete instructions. If you want to show them, get your OWN stuff and model how to do it. When you do it for them you are telling them you don't think they are capable. Letting them do it on their own builds the thought in them "I am capable, I can do it."

7. Talk about it. When your children show you something they have made, ask them to tell you about instead of saying "is this a __________". Let them tell you and be interested and attentive to what they say. The greatest compliment to a child is when they hear an adult tell another person about what they've done. It means way more. So listen and then share it in their presence.

8. Give them a place to display what they've made. For my kids this basement wall is the place. The big wooden frame that is empty has a clip in it that they can rotate things they've made. And it's "framed".


9. Finds things out of the house that are creative. Like an art class or get a group of kids together and have them create a play or something together.


10. Undirected play time (without screens) helps creativity in children. Think about when you were a kid. And how you created things, games, stories, ect. Often we over schedule our kids and they don't get a chance to just BE kids and let their minds create. There is a whole book that is great about this.

So what do YOU do to help your children live creatively?

Motherhood

I don't know about you but sometimes I get distracted. I get side tracked and forget about what's most important. Two nights ago I was tired. (Which by the way seems most of the time lately. I really at some point need to start getting more sleep or accept that at this stage in life I am just going to be tired all the time and learn to deal with it better.) ANYWAYS, I was tired from planting that garden and from a terrible nights sleep and just mothering.

I needed a few minutes to myself. I could feel that I was being crabby and not because of anything. Just anything. So my wonderful husband told me to go take a shower (I chose a bath) and he took care of things. I had a really hot bath and enjoyed just being in quiet and still.

After I was still tired - maybe cause my bath was SO hot. And I was still feeling a tad bit grouchy. It was time to put Oliver to bed, so I took him into his room and sat down to feed him. It was a great. It was quiet and peaceful. And as I was sitting there in the dark with just Oliver, I had a small thought come into my head. That this is the reason I am here. That all those silly things, like the ipod game I was playing while I nursed Oliver or the blog I want to read once they are finally in bed or the painting project in my garage half done. All of those are fun and lovely. But my kids are what I am about. It was a little whisper of the Holy Ghost tapping my heart, reminding me of what's important.

Made me think of this quote.

After those brief moments alone and a little bit of heavenly help I was ready for all the work of bedtime. And I was happier to do it. We laughed together and sang a few songs and did scriptures and testimonies and did all of it happily.

I've been thinking a lot lately about being a mom. And moments like this remind me of the importance of it. I know I want lots of things. I want to be lots of things. And somedays I feel like I have things bursting out of me to create or read or make. Of course I want to be a good mom. Doesn't every mother (and father) want to be good at it? I think so. But often I need reminding that this is what I am about. I am lucky enough to get to do some "nice to do" things as Julie B Beck called them. But the "essential" and the "necessary" things come first. (Go read that talk. It's amazing!)

The older I get the more I am realizing that each of us do it differently. And that that is the point. We are SUPPOSED to do it differently. I firmly believe that God chose the special spirits that came to my home suited perfectly for Regan and I. And that He did that for every other family. That knowledge should give me power. It should give me strength in what I am doing. Never mind what anyone else is doing.

I have attended some parenting classes in our town. And I have very mixed feelings about them. There are things I strongly disagree with and things I whole heartily accept. I could say a whole lot about it. But it's not necessary.

Above all my greatest problem with the classes is the feeling that is taught is that they know the RIGHT way to parent and that no other way is right. No matter what parenting style there is no cookie cutter mold for all children. I know I am not alone in thinking this. (In fact I had a talk TODAY with two different women who shared this exact feeling. And I could make a list of other women who feel the same.)

I collect parenting books. Like I've read a LOT of them. Some of them made me laugh at their ideas and some made me angry what they claimed and some I read and thought well that was a waste of time. But I think in every single book I have taken at least ONE thing and applied it to myself. Or at least tried. There are good nuggets in them. Even though every single one shares a different way to parent.

Above all I think these three things.
1. As long as I am prayerful and follow the answers and inspiration I receive for my OWN family I am doing what I should.
2. It doesn't matter how anyone else parents, it matters how I parent.
3. If I am overwhelmed with a child and a problem, first consult the Lord & my spouse, then look for outside help if I need it.

I am so lucky to have my children. They are fun, crazy, creative, smart, frustrating, happy, sometimes disobedient, encouraging, maddening, hilarious, talkative, affectionate little people who are growing up so fast. And I am so happy they are mine.