Grief is like a wave

Grief is like a wave.
An ever changing wave.
In the beginning it is the constant push and pull of loss you feel.
Constant reminders around you of what could have been,
remember when she said this...
remember when we went there...
A tall, strong, constant wave that is always around.
You get used to the consistency of the ache
the hole that is left
but still
at the same time you can't believe that it happened.
That it's your loss.

Over time the wave changes.
It's there, but you don't notice the noise of it everyday.
When you stop and think about it you always know.
If you are still and listen you can still hear the constant wave.

A wave can catch you off guard.
You see someone who walks like them, Who has hair the same color
Or something in their mannerisms remind you
sometimes you can't even really put your finger on it.
A song or smell instantly taking you somewhere you weren't expecting to go right then
But there you are, caught up in the wave

It can be a soft wave, a calm remembrance of moments you shared.
But sometimes it's a strong over powering wave.
One that knocks you over.
You are blindsided by the strength of it.
It surprises you.
Not that it's there, cause it's always there.
But that it was so strong.
And you are left with raw ache that seems so fresh
so new, so tender.

Last night I was remembering my little sister Kelly.
And it caught me off guard.
I was ill prepared for the emotions that came.
From a simple statement someone else made about the sister relationship they see between their daughters.
Smack it hit me.
Right where it hurts.