Thursday, January 24, 2008

mothering is...

i think there are times when you are so full of love for your kids,
so aware that you are doing okay
and the right thing
that it is bursting out of you.

the first moment they place that baby in your arms.
when your five year old asks for a blessing, on his own, because he is sick.
the first time your daughter tells you she loves you, on her own.
watching your children play together lovingly and enjoy it.
seeing your child sing with his primary class.
the snuggles and cuddles before nap time.
there are lots of those moments.
all most unexplainable moments.

but some days there are those other moments.
when you can't help but think that you
are the worst mother that ever lived on the earth.
no one can possibly be doing a worse job than you.
when your daughter screams "i don't like mommy, i want daddy" in her crib for 30 minutes.
or you carry your children out of the mall screaming, one in each arm.
some days it seems that they are lots of those moments too.

so it comes down to,
what do you do?
how do you make those unhappy moments,
where you're feeling so at your wits end
that tears or laughter is all you can do,
do you cry?
do you laugh?

sometimes both.
sometimes neither.

how do you make those soul filling moments carry you over?

it is hard to understand how mothering is
really you can't until you have kids.
i've said that before.

some days are hard.
some days are easy.
i don't know what the best thing to do.
the thing i try to do is remember those soul-filling,
all most unexplainable moments.

remember them and hold onto them.
and if they aren't helping,
there is always chocolate.


Mary Mac said...

oh my gosh - i totally get you. And weird because I am having one of those, "am I ANY good at this?" mom days. You know, where everything annoys you and you feel way too selfish for wanting a moment to yourself?

You are a good mom - a great mom, actually and very inspiring to me! Thanks again for lunch and chatting - it was short but really good to see you!

LindsayB said...

i'm fully there with you. i've dragged out 2 screaming kids and so much more. i've come to realize i just have to start the day and decide if i am going to let it bother me or not. and it makes all the difference in how i handle "those" moments. i'm pretty sure not one other mother would judge you or me because we have ALL been there. i think you are a fantastic mom.

i don't know if i am any good at this either, and i keep wondering if anyone is going to come and tell me that i am doing this mothering all wrong!

Crystal said...

"This too shall pass!"

"He brought me to it.
He will get me through it."

"In the big picture, this is only a small nano moment."

"Nothing great is every easy."

((( HUGS )))

Heather M. said...

you are so right. it's hard to understand so many things until you are a mother yourself. i can't believe how challenging yet rewarding it is.

Carmen said...

Yup - or potatoe chips! I say whatever helps you get through those bad days. hee hee