Nature lover

Since I started taking pictures I've only considered myself a people photographer. I like taking pictures of people. I like to see their interactions. I like it when I can chat with them. I like their varied expressions. I like seeing the love. I'll always love taking pictures of people. Of course I seriously delight in taking a picture like this.

But lately I've really found a love for nature photography.


And one of the reasons I think this is meaning a lot to me lately is because of my little sister Kelly. Before she died she was really into gardening. Actually some of these pictures were taken in her garden.


She had one just like this hanging on the bulletin board in her room. I remember the first time I went into her room after she had died. And I saw it there. In a photo collage of pictures of her nieces.


And finding the beauty in the nature around me, it reminds me of her. I feel satisfied that she would have liked this shot or that shot. Or that she would have rejoiced in me taking an interest in something that was a big deal to her.

I think one of the ways we can cope with the loss of someone we love is that we find ways to have them be apart of things for us still. In a simple way like this.


ooh it makes me want to get a macro lens. Maybe one day :)



Yes, this is a lot of nature/ flower pictures. But think of it as a tribute to my sister Kelly.



And a testimony of an all powerful creator that did a really good job.

Random + Overheard

Me: "Do you want another pancake?"
Lucy: "Hey I know a Sarah! There's one in my class."
Me (confused at how she made that jump): "Did you know that's Kenzie's mom's name, Sarah?"
Lucy: "So there's TWO Sarahs??"
Me: "Yeah there's lots, it's a popular name."
Lucy: "I know why, cause it rhymes with Syrup."

Lucy: "I've got 2 spences"
Me: "You've got what?"
Lucy: "2 spences, see?" (Holding out two nickels to me)
Me: "Lucy, that's 10 CENTS, cause each one is worth 5 CENTS each?"
Lucy: "No i've got 2, 2 spences!"

------------------------------------------------------
Alden: "Mom, take my picture like this..."
So i take it.
Me: "Why?"
Alden: "I just thought it would be cool!"


------------------------------------------------------
I am behind on posting my 365 pictures.
But not behind on taking them!!
This week an update for SURE!

------------------------------------------------------

I was missing my sister Kelly a lot this week.
When I am lonely I miss her more!

Grief is like a wave

Grief is like a wave.
An ever changing wave.
In the beginning it is the constant push and pull of loss you feel.
Constant reminders around you of what could have been,
remember when she said this...
remember when we went there...
A tall, strong, constant wave that is always around.
You get used to the consistency of the ache
the hole that is left
but still
at the same time you can't believe that it happened.
That it's your loss.

Over time the wave changes.
It's there, but you don't notice the noise of it everyday.
When you stop and think about it you always know.
If you are still and listen you can still hear the constant wave.

A wave can catch you off guard.
You see someone who walks like them, Who has hair the same color
Or something in their mannerisms remind you
sometimes you can't even really put your finger on it.
A song or smell instantly taking you somewhere you weren't expecting to go right then
But there you are, caught up in the wave

It can be a soft wave, a calm remembrance of moments you shared.
But sometimes it's a strong over powering wave.
One that knocks you over.
You are blindsided by the strength of it.
It surprises you.
Not that it's there, cause it's always there.
But that it was so strong.
And you are left with raw ache that seems so fresh
so new, so tender.

Last night I was remembering my little sister Kelly.
And it caught me off guard.
I was ill prepared for the emotions that came.
From a simple statement someone else made about the sister relationship they see between their daughters.
Smack it hit me.
Right where it hurts.

5 things

I am at it again with my lists.

1. I have had another busy week. I am looking forward to school starting so that things settle down around here. :) I am off to Edmonton (with no kiddos) to help out at Scrapfest. Grandma to the rescue so that Regan's school schedule is not thrown off and so I can do this. I have never been to anything like this so we will see how it goes. QUITE strange to go driving somewhere that far without kiddos or Reg.

2. Alden is starting preschool tomorrow and we had his first music class today. Strange. But good. His music class teacher is AMAZING. I love her so much. Her name is Wendy. It is an ORFF music program and I would recommend it to anyone!!!

3. Since it is the first of September, a new kit at Scraptivity. So here are some pages to check out.




4. I painted my living room and have even hung up a few pictures. It's starting to look like we've lived here for a while. :)

5. This past weekend, on Saturday morning Alden woke up and announced that it was Sasquatch's birthday. (Sasquatch is this stuffed animal/ creature thing that was my little sister Kelly's and has become Alden's.) So we had a birthday party for him. And conveniently we had cousins in town for the day, so they all came to his party. We had a bear shaped cake. And one of the cousins, Lundyn even made him a card. :) Every day since that Alden has announced that it is another animals birthday, so he thinks we need to have another party. I told him that party was for all his animals.
On Saturday night when we were putting Alden to bed he says, "But guys, Sasquatch didn't get any presents." I told him that just wasn't going to happen.

my sister

I made this page a couple years ago.... but I still feel exactaly the same. This is what I wrote on it.
"I realized something today. I'm starting to forget. To forget the way your hair hung around your face. How light your freckles were getting as you got older. The blueness of your eyes. It's fading. I wanted to smell vanilla. The smell of you. To see if it would bring memories back. The every day memories that keep you around me.
I saw someone and she made me think of you. I'm not sure why. She didn't look like you. She didn't talk like you. I can't place my finger on why she made me think of you. Is that evidence that those every day moments are slipping away? I wish I could freeze them. The memories. The heart to hearts and late night talks. Me and you. Our bond. Something I've looked for in relationships ever since you died. How I judge others. Every thing is compared to you. Replaying things in my head. But between those replayed memories, the spaces are getting bigger. It's only been five years. But those spaces are growing and that scares me. I want to keep you. If you can't be in my life, I want you still in my head. In my heart. To be able to call up memories in a second. And remember distinctly what you wore and how you said it. How you had your hair. God saw it fit to take you home. And I have come to accept that. But even though your not here, I still need you. "


I just wanted to make a little post today because 7 years ago today Kelly died.

This post really hit home with me yesterday. Melissa wrote it very well. Loss over time.

My sister Kelly.
Love her.
Miss her daily.

Thought I would share some of Kelly's amazing art.
These aren't the best photos of them.





She did this one for me. Since Nelson Mandella is one of my heros.
I have the original. And i LOVE it.




This is an 8 foot tall chalk pastel that hangs in my parents bedroom.

A unfinished picture she was working on when she died. She was looking at a picture I had taken a few months earlier of one of our nieces.

This was a picture Kelly would draw for people she loved when they got married. She didn't get mine finished cause she passed away weeks before my wedding. But I luckily was given an original from someone else that she had done.

We have an art scholarship in her name at our high school.
We sell her art and I really like that she lives on with her art in people's homes all over.
Some very special people have some of her art.
She would think that was the coolest thing.
Me and my mom agree.